Fresh linen

Some days you just need to put a clean sheet and duvet on the bed, have a rose scented shower, don a fresh nightie and climb into bed. 

Not My Excuse

Do you ever feel you put yourself last just to help other people? A lot of my job requires that type of commitment, but I don't usually mind as I love it and find it rewarding. However, this has been a tough week. I have done my best to support someone in my team, even down to staying behind 3 times this week to meet with and and help them. But they don't want to seem to help themselves. 

Tonight they moaned, when I was trying to do with them something they were asked to do but didn't. 'The thing is,' they said a touch defensively, 'if I'm not totally committed to something than I don't put my full effort in'. I tried to ignore the complete arrogance of this remark, to continue to get the work done, to help them structure their time. They were, after all, a new trainee in the job and just learning. 

But then when they complained that they don't have time to go to the gym anymore and do what they wanted to do because of the job, I was furious. A 29 yr old complaining that the job was too much work? When they were doing half the time of most of us and couldn't even be bothered to try to do things they were asked to do? When every request was meet with another excuse as to why they couldn't do it-after all, how can they be expected to work in a room without a window? (Not that they had to work in that room- they could work in any number of rooms, with any shape and size of window!) Did they think that I really wanted to be there doing their work- yet I wasn't complaining and not putting all my effort in for them. They were utterly oblivious to this, however, and ungrateful.

I went home eventually, very late, tired and discouraged. But while I was sitting on the couch after a reviving cup of tea, I resolved not to let them drag me down. So I threw on swimmers and got to the pool just before they took last entries, and swam furiously for half an hour, determined they would not be my excuse.

Made with Love

It has been very cold at night, particularly as we have had the heating off during the day and when we get home, find that it takes a long time to warm up. So at the moment I am on the couch, snuggled under a lovely blanket my grandmother made me. Nan gave me this beautifully crocheted blanket, and it is so warm and snuggly. She made it herself in lovely modern colours which have always gone well with my decor.

Nan gave me the blanket as a Christmas present the year I was going to University. There it remained on my bed for many years, until I carefully packed it away in order to go travelling. It stayed at my mothers house, until a couple of years ago I returned to package all my treasures and send them to my new home. 

It is so lovely to have it with me now, evoking the presence of my grandmother. Since I grabbed it off my spare bed the other night I have been wrapped in its warmth and memories. 

Winter Sun

This photo was taken at 10am this morning, while the fog was still thick and the winter sun struggled to shine through. I love foggy days- the mystery, the eeriness, and the romance.

Five a day

This was my fruit bowl a week ago. Filled with pears, satsumas and apples. Delicious! I have made a conscious effort this week to eat at least 5 fruit and vegetables a day, and most days I have eaten at least that, even some days getting up to an average of 8 servings, which fills me up too much to snack on other things. This is my fruit bowl now, and my vegetable crisper has undergone a similar before and after:

It is a good start to healthy changes. It looks like tomorrow is grapefruit for breakfast and couscous with pomegranate for dinner. And then it's time for a refill!

A sense of spring

It has been a very wet start to the year, but today the sun came out and there was a sense of Spring in the air. Not quite the feeling that it was the start of that season, but more the promise that it would come. It was still very cold, but after I came back from the gym I was warm enough to crack the window open and clean vigorously, even getting behind the sofa as it was so nice to see properly! After thoroughly vacuuming, scrubbing, polishing and re-decorating, I then lit some candles, made a cup of coffee and relaxed. I love my clean house and it makes a lovely way to start the week.

Making the most of my todays- Comedy and Italian

We went into London today and meet up with some friend to celebrate some upcoming birthdays on both sides. We met at Covent Garden, enjoying the unusual street performers, and then went to Leicester Square for Hagen Dasz ice cream. Divine! 

We then went to see the comedian Stewart Lee in a matinee. He is a fantastic comedian and I particularly liked his gentle berating of the audience for not engaging with the jokes and failing to laugh appropriately. Very clever. His new show is on TV in February and his material was really clever.

We then walked through China Town, decorated and prepared for the Chinese New Year in a couple of weeks, and then had a drink in a cosy English pub before going to a lovely little Italian restaurant. It was such delicious food, and a great way for us to celebrate. 

I had been in touch with a friend this morning who had not been well over the last few years and whose life had not been what she would have hoped since she'd had a breakdown. I was trying to get a sense of how she was feeling, and she had said she was 'daydreaming of her future'. It pulled me up short as I am guilty of always looking ahead, pushing forward and not really appreciating what I have in the here and now.

I made the resolve then and there to live in the moment, to appreciate what I have, and to be grateful for my reality. This was a great day, and I am so appreciative of all I have. And I need to stop day dreaming of so many things, including changing my appearance (below is an apt sign at the Italian we ate in tonight). Today is when I've realised that I also need to stop daydreaming of my tomorrows and start making the most of my today's - and today was a great start.

Full moon after a full week

It is sooo good to be home and having the prospect of the weekend ahead. And next weekend I'll be another year older, so I'm going to make the most of it!!

An evening cuddle

Dreaming through the bothers

It has been a long day, so I am going to bed with mango and green tea, hoping I can dream through the bothers.

Courting bad luck?

I have a confession. It is time to admit I have had a lazy start to the year.

Maybe because we bought an artificial tree this year, maybe because I didn't want to waste the last day of the holidays by packing or cleaning, or maybe because Mr BB has been too busy to get into the loft in time, we definitely missed our twelfth night deadline for taking down the decorations.

I enjoy packing things back neatly, in original packaging and carefully labelled boxes, treasured ornaments tissue wrapped for another year. But tonight I just had to strip it all down, as I yearned to see the clear walls again and could no longer wait for the boxes to be fetched. I grabbed plastic bags and organised them into sections so they could be easily decanted to their correct boxes when we get into the loft. And there they sit, on the landing, hopefully for a very limited time. 

I want to be able to look forward now to the year, have a deep clean and enjoy the fresh walls and space. 

Does anyone else have decorations that are still adorning the house?

The Great Race of Mercy

The day was nearly over, and I was waiting for something to feel moved enough to blog about today. It had been a good day at work, I'd felt really happy about how I'd eaten healthily, had some interesting and supportive discussions about health and fitness goals. I'd been for a swim after work and then came home to make a healthy and delicious mushroom risotto. I had even watched 'Go Hard or Go Home' which had stirred in me a desire to set myself a fitness challenge. It looked like this would be the sole focus of my blog today - until I watched an interesting  programme that put another facet on this idea of well being and sharpened my gratitude.

'Icebound:The Greatest Dog Story Ever Told' on BBC Four recounted the true story of a race via dogsled across the Alaskan wilderness to carry serum which was needed to stem a deadly diptheria outbreak in Nome.

Nome was a coastal town, but for 7 months of the year, the ocean froze which meant it was only accessible by a harsh journey over wild and frozen tundra. It was not long after the city was completely isolated by the freezing sea that the doctor recognised the cases that had taken several youngsters lives was not actually tonsillitis, as he had first deemed, but diphtheria. He had some expired serum, which he experimentally used on the ill, while an appeal was launched across America on the 28th January, 1925, for more serum. The only way it could be delivered, however, was by a relay of some 20 dog sled teams, made up of 150 dogs, over a total of 674 miles in temperatures as low as 60 degrees below zero.

It was a fascinating and heartwarming story, which really made me appreciate the compassion of people (the event was also called The Great Race of Mercy). It is sad there are still places in the world today that do not have access to even basic medical care or medications due to isolation, conflict, and poverty. It made me feel grateful that I have access to the foundation which enables me to have health and wellbeing.

Caramalised Popcorn with Pecans

This was a typical Sunday, but I wanted to do something different. Because it was a cold and wet day, the long walk I planned no longer seemed so appealing, so I decided to go for a swim instead and then turn my energies to the kitchen.

Firstly, I decided to make Quesadillas. I simply chopped onion and tomato, heated it in a pan with a little oil, then removed to drain and popped the corn tortilla in the pan with a little oil (this was the first time I had ever bought an Old El Paso kit and the corn tortillas were so delicious). I then put the tomato and onion mixture on half the tortilla, grated over low fat mature cheddar, and folded the tortilla in half. It was ready to serve when the cheese had melted. Fantastic and so simple!

We then went to see 'Last Vegas', which I found rather poignant. It was a good reminder to nurture your friendships throughout your life. 

When we got home I had some Amaretto sours while deciding what to make while the NFL quarter-finals were on. As we were watching American Football, the snack I settled on was Caramalised Popcorn with Pecans which I thought seemed appropriately American, and definitely mouthwatering! 

To start, I popped about half a cup of popping corn in a hot pan with a little oil. I then put the popcorn in a bowl. Using the same saucepan, I melted 125g butter with 3/4 cup caster sugar and 2 tablespoons of honey. On a high heat, I swirled the mixture until it started to melt, and then start to foam and brown. I continued to swirl until it become a caramel colour, after 10 minutes (no 

more than 15) it should be ready. Take care it doesn't get too brown as it will burn quickly. When it is ready, quickly pour over the popcorn and pecans in the bowl, then transfer to a lined tray to cool. Finally, enjoy- as we did while watching the Panthers play the 49ers.

Latte and brioche

Mr BB was away today, and I was excited to have a whole day ahead of me to do whatever took my fancy. I woke early, went for my morning swim, and then came home, ready to brunch in style. Using my main Christmas present from Mr BB, a gorgeous purple coffee machine, I made a hazelnut latte and served it in the cutest ladybird latte bowl (which had also been a gift, purchased from Cherry Menlove homewares). With choc chip brioche dunked in as well, it was a divine brunch. A delicious way to start the day.

Relaxing with Rioja

It has been a very long week, and I was so glad to walk through my front door and know I had two days to do as I wished. It is tough at this time of year to return to work, while the days are still short, dark and drizzly. What I needed was some sunshine - and tonight I stumbled across the most appropriate substitute in absence of the real thing. Curled up under a blanket in my chair, a glass of Rioja in hand, I discovered the delightful 'Italy Unpacked' on BBC2. I did not expect when I decided to watch it that such an unassuming title would invite so much pleasure.

It was a gentle meander through the Italian landscape, soft light shining on the winding roads, colourful buildings and gorgeous vistas. The charming presenters, Andrew Graham-Dixon and Giorgio Locatelli, spoke in Italian and English in such a natural way it invited you to feel as if you were standing alongside them in the summer warmth, tasting the food, admiring the art and discussing the Romantic poets. What a lovely way to unwind.

Early morning swim.

I love my bed, especially in the morning. I spend an incredibly long time in bed, especially on weekdays, to eek out every last second in the downy comfort. So last night when I retired, I resolved to get up early in the morning to swim before work. Even though I was firmly resolute, I have to be honest and say that it would not have been the first time I would have made such a promise to myself and yet when the rooster crowed, metaphorically speaking, would have continued to snooze on. 

This morning though, when the alarm rang at 6am, I snapped wide awake and was determined to go to the gym. 

As I walked into the pool, the smell of chlorine and the quiet slap of water generated by the other swimmers instantly generated a calmness in me. As soon as I got in, the feel of the water was soothing as I alternately lapped in freestyle and breastroke. Afterwards I felt invigorated, yet strangely relaxed and serene, as I drove to work.

I would like to end the blog there, leaving the impression that my day continued in this vein. However, this impression of perfection would be false. In a day full of meetings and urgent email, I totally did not see this self induced serenity suddenly disappearing when I least expected it just before lunch.

It was a lesson to me that I cannot be perfect. My struggle to be the model of good health, discipline and perfection is something I will not obtain. But I can aspire to it and not be too hard on myself for rarely, if ever, achieving it.

So, when I got home and 8pm and tiredly started to prepare dinner, I almost wept with gratitude when Mr BB ordered takeaway. I only ate 3 slices of pizza, which is definitely an improvement. In the past I would have beaten myself up for effectively negating the benefits of the swim, at the very least. This time, instead, I decided to consider all of the other benefits I'd experienced, and be glad at least I had gone.

Home made breakfast pots

This has been breakfast for the last 2 days and it is DELICIOUS. It takes minutes to make in the morning and fits perfectly into this handy container. Canned California prunes in natural juice, topped with a layer of 0% fat Greek yoghurt and finished with a generous scattering of a nutty Dorset cereal. Nutritious, so quick and easy to make, and it keeps me more than satisfied till lunch. The best possible start to what may not be the best possible day.

Getting Around

This morning was a relaxed contrast to yesterday. I am sure it is because I took care to exercise and eat well last night that this morning I was relaxed and well rested after waking up early.
It is so pleasant to have time to enjoy the house in the morning, pack a delicious and nutritious breakfast and lunch, as well as doing some household chores. A luxury I was not able to enjoy when I had to rush out to catch an unreliable bus or train.
This thought was further confirmed this morning while driving into work, past a bus queue of almost 20 people. They were patiently waiting in the wind and rain, winding in a single line almost around the corner.  It reminded me of the many mornings I commuted on buses and trains, and I have to say I am so grateful to be able to go to work in comfort, dry, warm and able to listen to the radio. It is a time that enables me to prepare for or reflect on my day. And while it isn't as healthy- as I definitely was fitter when I walked and caught public transport, and it was also more environmentally conscientious to do so - I am so grateful that I am able to drive to work, and the extra 2 hours a day that I have available to me to spend as I wish is something I am going to be more consciously aware of now.

Early Doors

Like most people, I returned to work today. To say that I found it tough was an understatement, so the less said about my aching shoulder and the scratch on my car, the better. I was still struggling after lunch, so after my mid afternoon meeting I decided to go home early - the first time I have done so for many, many months. But as my desk was clear, and things were still slow on the first day back, I felt justified.
And that decision transformed my day!
As I walked outside I was greeted by a spectacular sky. It was so nice to leave when it was still light and - especially after the last few weeks- not to get saturated in the process.
I went straight to the gym, working out for 50 minutes, and then came home and cooked a nutritious dinner, packed with vegetables, followed by fruit for desert. By 7pm I was showered, and in my PJs, feeling pleasantly full and laying on the couch, watching a mystery.
I felt transformed.

A rainy day

It is the last days of my holidays today. I am getting that 'Back to School feeling' and really not looking forward to going back to work. I know when I am back, I will enjoy it, but I always put a lot of pressure on the last day to make the most of things and also finish any niggling things I need to do.
I think that the following is symbolic of my day and how it was. For breakfast this morning I started to make pancakes for breakfast, had everything measured, the butter melted, the milk added, and was just about to crack in the eggs when I realised we did not have any. We were due a grocery shop, but I had thought we had the staples- but no, there were no eggs in the house.
At that point I realised that I always do this on the last day of a holiday. I either have huge expectations, which invariably are disappointed, or I clean for hours to get everything 'perfect' only to feel exhausted but too keyed up to sleep that night.
So I struck a balance - I did some of the things I had to do - washing, cleaning, shopping for essentials; I did the things I wanted to do - swim, some X-stitching, a little reading, talking to my nan; and I did what I needed to do - lie on my bed for a couple of hours watching mindless television, and finally putting the eggs in the batter and having Nigella's American pancakes with nutella.

And they were so good!

Resolve

Today I am grateful for swimming and being practically the only one in the pool - it was so calm and relaxing. I am also grateful to the librarians for waiving my fine; my books were due back yesterday, but as it had been difficult to read the date on my renewal slip, I only realised when returning them today (thinking I had plenty of time). It was good of them to recognise that.

Mostly, though, I am grateful that the focus today has been about reconnecting with family and friends. I particularly enjoyed writing a letter to my grandmother. I am plagued by guilt for not writing to her or being in contact more often, and I have decided that I need to stop these patterns of making resolves and beating myself up for not keeping to them. Talking to my friend on the phone further confirmed what I had already been thinking about during the day.

I hadn't made firm resolves as such at New Year's for the above reason, but while swimming this afternoon I thought about what I wanted to achieve this year. I wanted to spend my time more meaningfully - finishing some crafts, reading certain books, watching films I want to see, and exercising daily, as well as eating well. And writing- I want to discipline myself to write.

I realised it was not about being more busy, but about not being drawn into things that aren't meaningful to me. To not idle time away doing something I do not particularly enjoy doing, or for feeling guilty. I enjoy exercising, reading, crafting, cooking, and I even enjoy working, but need to stop it being too consuming. But enjoying something doesn't mean you should only do just that - I enjoy biscuits but am not going to eat them every day; I like a clean house although I don't always want to spend my weekend cleaning. It is about balance and perspective.

In short, I guess it is about being okay with being a little bit selfish, but not beating yourself up about things either.

Warm fires, friends and good food

After taking some photos of the lovely fireplace in the pub where we met some friends today, I was approached by a charming woman in her late 80s. She told me she was so pleased to get to speak to me, as she had especially wanted to tell me about her first time at the pub as she had noticed my interest in the fireplace.

 She told me the story of when she had come there as a teenager with a friend. It had still, at that time, been a working farm and the farmer's wife had served afternoon teas out of the front room of the farmhouse, using the room with the fireplace. It was so heart warming  she was there to visit some 60 odd years later, with 'her Jack', who I thought might be her husband. A lovely story and a lovely day out.

Being cosy with the cats

Today was a quiet day. There are not many days left of the holidays, and today was about resting. I read a Patricia Wilson, one of my favourites, and then I watched a Ms Marple film, laying on the couch while Mr BB was working. I savoured the Christmas tree, which will not be up for too much longer, (I feel putting the cards underneath where the presents had been was inspired). The thing I have had most joy from this holiday though has been watching our cats sleep. Today they were on the chairs either side of me, while the rain lashed down outside. A cosy, comforting, restful day.

Pompey snuggled up and adorable.

Moscow in the chair that is the favourite of them both. If one isn't in it, the other is.

New Year's Day

Mr BB and I decided to have a relatively quiet New Year's Eve which followed on to the next day. Since we were away with family at Christmas, we decided to cook our festive meal for New Year's day, which had been rather a tradition growing up. My favourite part of the meal, though, was laying the table with the dinner set my parent's had given me for my 18th birthday, and I had shipped to the UK. I loved how my whole dining room looked. The meal was nice, despite the Arancini Balls not working- a source of great frustration for Mr BB. We had leek and pea soup starter, followed by mushroom (me) and beef wellington with hasselback potatoes and honey balsamic roasted onion, carrot and beetroot. Desert was Mr BB's favourite, egg custard tart. A lot of work, but for the most part an enjoyable way to spend the day.