Resolve

Today I am grateful for swimming and being practically the only one in the pool - it was so calm and relaxing. I am also grateful to the librarians for waiving my fine; my books were due back yesterday, but as it had been difficult to read the date on my renewal slip, I only realised when returning them today (thinking I had plenty of time). It was good of them to recognise that.

Mostly, though, I am grateful that the focus today has been about reconnecting with family and friends. I particularly enjoyed writing a letter to my grandmother. I am plagued by guilt for not writing to her or being in contact more often, and I have decided that I need to stop these patterns of making resolves and beating myself up for not keeping to them. Talking to my friend on the phone further confirmed what I had already been thinking about during the day.

I hadn't made firm resolves as such at New Year's for the above reason, but while swimming this afternoon I thought about what I wanted to achieve this year. I wanted to spend my time more meaningfully - finishing some crafts, reading certain books, watching films I want to see, and exercising daily, as well as eating well. And writing- I want to discipline myself to write.

I realised it was not about being more busy, but about not being drawn into things that aren't meaningful to me. To not idle time away doing something I do not particularly enjoy doing, or for feeling guilty. I enjoy exercising, reading, crafting, cooking, and I even enjoy working, but need to stop it being too consuming. But enjoying something doesn't mean you should only do just that - I enjoy biscuits but am not going to eat them every day; I like a clean house although I don't always want to spend my weekend cleaning. It is about balance and perspective.

In short, I guess it is about being okay with being a little bit selfish, but not beating yourself up about things either.